Last night, I’d just finished eating some noodles with my neighbor when the devil–I mean Maxine–calls and tells me she’s gonna be over in five minutes. Based on previous experience, I already know there’s no point in arguing with the devil, so she comes over and gets me. We managed to get my neighbor out of her pajamas and drag her with us. As I may have mentioned, Carson City has an amazing selection when it comes to nightlife, so after much deliberation we decided to go to some place I’d never been to, but there was a live band so we decided to give it a go. Here’s some texting I did while at the bar:

I’m listening to a Journey cover band.
Oh shit.
I’m gonna make this a party.
Damn straight.
8675309
Eeew
Here, hee
Gross
I wish I had jesse’s girl
Try Harder.
I wanna tell her that I love her but the point is prolly moot! Moot! OMG, Ha ha! (At this point I’m incredibly impressed with my cleverness on account of the fact that my friend’s last name is Moots.)
Moot!!
OMG. Ha Ha.
Ha!
I’m going out with the shop dudes tonight.
Strip club? If so I’m jealous.
Be jealous.
Have fun bitch.
Oh. I plan to sugar.
I hate you.
Riiiight.

No, I did hate him. I wanted to go to the strip club, but alas I was stuck in CC.

Maxine, who is sitting across the table, texts me:

Omg…there is mold in the bathroom and that lady just used someone else’s chewed gum to put up the decorations.

Right. Cause there was a birthday party there that night. Which meant I got to see a clown dance to Led Zeppelin. Wait, so did I. But I wasn’t dressed as a homeless clown. No, really. He was wearing dirty sweatpants. But it’s Carson, so that’s acceptable attire here.

Some other highlights: Spilling a bloody mary all over myself. Did you know if you don’t wipe it up really good right away, you may end up covered in red crusty stuff for the rest of the night and not notice until you use a bathroom at midnight? When in the car, I serenaded my fellow passengers about my milkshake. I have no idea why thought that was so funny. Ended up at the fallback bar and found out the cute bartender hit on me once and I didn’t know it. I promptly promised to make it up to her. And informed her I had lots of props. Yeah.

We then went to the Carson Nugget. Oh, I actually didn’t walk there. Our friend the bouncer (who called me fuckable) threw me over his shoulder and carried me two blocks over. I almost barfed on his ass. But, apparently a tree ran into me and my friends thought it would be better if I didn’t use my legs to walk a couple of blocks. Well, it was snowing and I was wearing peep-toe pumps. He even managed to get us through the turning entryway. Impressive. Ass first into the Nugget. How I do like a good entrance. Now let me just say, The Nugget Casino isn’t exactly The Bellagio. And I’m being nice here. So we head to the bar where there is always a free band. I told one of the band members my name was Magma. Why? I don’t know. My friends were making up names, and that’s what popped into my head. The best part was I promptly forgot we’d given out fake names, and called Maxine by her name while the guy was still standing there. Yeah. I then accomplished the amazing feat of getting kicked out of the Nugget Bar. Why? By being nice. No, I swear!

I went to get a drink and there was this haggard lady sitting at the bar throwing quarters into the slot machine. I asked her how she was. She basically told me to fuck off. I was like, I think you have some anger management issues. I then told her I was a therapist and could help her. She didn’t like that. Next thing I know, I’m getting kicked out. It’s not fair. But, I do feel slightly accomplished because hey, it was the Nugget. I didn’t think it was possible to get kicked out of there.

You know, I’m actually pretty much a hermit. But now I’m on a roll. Maxine and I have already decided to step it up a notch tonight. I’m not really sure how we’re going to do it, but I have faith in us.